Forgiveness

Last week’s blog/broadcast created a flurry of e-mails and
responses. The broadcast was about letting go of the past. One person
wrote that we should not blame our parents for everything in
our life that is bad.

Another person wrote that to move beyond
the past we need to forgive. Here’s what she wrote: “Nice
inspirational write up, however I feel you missed a huge part
of facing our past experiences and moving forward in a positive
light! FORGIVENESS! We are all granted this graceful act, but
many fall short on using it in our lives! Almost everyone has a
negative memory from their past. Some more tragic then others,
but Facing those feelings, Embracing them, and then allowing
yourself to let them go all leads up to the graceful ability to
Forgive!”
 
She’s right. But that doesn’t mean that will be easy to
forgive. Some may not even know how to begin to forgive. Is it
something we physically do? Is it something we do just in our
mind? How do we forgive and have closure? Can we forgive the
dead? And what happens if you decide you don’t want to forgive?

Numerous books have been written on how to forgive. It would be
difficult to share all that information with you in a short
broadcast. But I would like to share a few thoughts with you.

We have to realize that forgiveness is a process. It does not
happen overnight. One exercise (which may be familiar to many)
is to write a letter to the person you want to forgive. Do not
send this letter. I repeat, do not send this letter. This
letter is for you, not them. Forgiveness is not for or about
the other person; forgiveness is for you. When you write this
letter, be very specific and detailed. Get it all out on paper.
Don’t be upset with yourself if you experience crying jags or
you feel a little down after you write the letter. This
exercise quite often brings old memories to the surface. After
you write this letter, read it out loud twice, and then burn
it. This is the first step towards forgiveness. It’s a
representation of the past going away, not to return.  It
offers the ability to move onward.

Forgiveness occurs in the mind.  You don’t have to write a
letter. With maturity and the passing of time, sometimes people
wake up one day and realize that holding onto the past is a
negative action and decide to let go and forgive.

Sometimes we get lucky and are afforded the opportunity to sit
with the person we want to offer forgiveness. Hopefully, a
constructive conversation can occur; forgiveness is offered and
accepted, providing closure for both parties. It is my opinion
that these situations should be performed with a licensed
professional.

What happens if the person you want to forgive is deceased? The
exercise of letter writing is very helpful. We can’t bring back
the dead and we can’t bring back the past. That doesn’t mean
that the person who is gone or the past didn’t leave its mark,
its scars. The question is what will you do with what you’ve
experienced or learned. Will you use your past to help yourself
or others? Will you become an advocate for those who’ve been
treated like you were?

Now if you’re stubborn and going to stick to your guns and not
forgive, it will be wasted energy and a negative action. I have
two friends who don’t speak with each other anymore and this is
after 40 plus years of friendship. It created ripples through
my circle of friends and everyone has been affected. We are not
on Earth very long to walk around with a burden on our
shoulders, to lose family and friends just because we don’t
want to forgive. Will it be easy? Absolutely not. Will it be
worth it when all is said and done? Absolutely, yes!

To Your Health, Wealth & Happiness!

Dr. Michael Kaye
Knowledge, Action, Results